Me: 1 Alien Scientists: 0
Goo-d EVE-ning and adieu
It has occurred to me, after seeing the new batman for the second time, that I would be much happier living the life of a billionaire playboy/dark crime fighting menace. As per the movie storyline, I have to face my greatest fears and become one with them in order to overcome them and use them to manipulate the fears of my enemies. I already have used psychotropic drugs to face my fears and have a supreme understanding of the criminal mind... and nice red uniforms. Bruce Wayne's greatest fear was bats, mine? spiders. so, get this, I will become a NEW super hero, one so terrifying that villians will shit themselves in an orgy of anticipated ass beatings:
I will be reborn, as SPIDER-MAN!!!
MUahahahahahaha, no one could have predicted such a sinister hero!! and no one will be able to penetrate, my impenetrable fortress of spiders high in the canopied spider jungles of central new york. I am working on getting some kevlar-threaded memory-cloth spider legs fused to my ribcage and giant pointy fangs rammed into the gaping sockets that used to contain entire ROWS of pitiful man-teeth. My eyes will probably still be of use, in the spider world of tomorrow where the internet is king, to look up and see, the new computer-god-concocted fake starry sky suspended above living, breathing, worldwide, living-death, frankenstein slavery to complete the new supreme computer-god's frankenstein controls for around-the-corner projection of deadly-touch tarantula spiders!! Venomous armpit glands spray superfluous magellan gases to terrify stricken villagers and steal their cattle. hahahahaha!!
Since I am not a billionaire, I will have to resort to car theft and petty robbery until I drum up enough cash for the spider-mobile, but theN!!!!! oh then the villains will surely pay dearly for their trespasses across the golden, unblemished countenance of justice!! And I will lay multitudinous batches of my larvae into their esophaguses (esophagi?) and watch as billions of victorious spider children burst forth from their swollen and distended abdomens, spilling liberty for all!!!! calling my babies to me with the spider-whistle, we will join, and from our powers combined, we will sculpt a new utopia and rain down spidery tidbits for the next millennia to bear witness to man's final gastronomic destination, for surely, eight legs are better than one (thats the kind of catchy phrase you're gonna start seeing A SHITLOAD more of). and we will scorch the heavens and blacken the skies because the evil empire of machines will be solar powered, but fear not!! for the interminable, inestimable titanium sinewy web from Spider-Man's ass glands will weave a swarthy path of mechanized doom across the land!!! and the footprints of a new, furry creature the size of a tennis ball will be left in the ashes of what used to be the nuts and bolts of the robot messiah, and that creature shall forever be locked behind bars as punishment for the rising of his descendants to be the next generation of monkey criminals!! for justice. then Spider-Man will renegade to the top of the highest mountain and repel down long lengths of the hive queen's antennae to reach the very pit of green acid-mucuous from which will arise a new order of our screechy arachnid forefathers!!!
yes my friends, it will be a victory for the ages
and if that doesn't work out, I'm going to start a gay hacky-sack club. you wouldn't believe it but several interest groups are making a stand against gays in the hack circle. just check out:
www.JustSayNoToGaySack.com
www.WhatWouldJesusHack.com
www.ThisSackAintQueer.com
www.AdamAndEveNotGayHackySack.com
www.TraditionalFamiliesAgainstGaySackInTheClassroom.com
www.SaveMarriageFromTheEvilGayHackySackEmpire.com
www.ComeOverHereAndShakeARealMansSack.com
www.texas.gov
fortunately, I will also be able to receive a fair amount of support from already established gay hacky-sack clubs, nationwide!
check out:
www.MillionManHack.com
www.FightTheBushySackAgenda.com
www.SteamingGaySack.com
www.TwistThoseDirtySacks.com (free anonymous testing and shots)
www.KeepYourLawsOffMySack.com
www.NiceSackLetsGoBackToOneOfMyRentalPropertiesForAQuickHack.com
www.TightHackySluts.com (yum)
I'm heading out to the WC this week, gonna be fun, need a job, got places to go and people to see, but don't worry, you'll still me able to reach me if you so desire, and my penis will probably still reach too, recent reports from Nasa indicate that it has made contact with uranus (sorry, I got lazy towards the end of this post), I don't even pay attention anymore, but the vacuum feels great. so in any case I'm sure it will reach, no teeth though! (ahem, doug) ok, I'm really done.
It has occurred to me, after seeing the new batman for the second time, that I would be much happier living the life of a billionaire playboy/dark crime fighting menace. As per the movie storyline, I have to face my greatest fears and become one with them in order to overcome them and use them to manipulate the fears of my enemies. I already have used psychotropic drugs to face my fears and have a supreme understanding of the criminal mind... and nice red uniforms. Bruce Wayne's greatest fear was bats, mine? spiders. so, get this, I will become a NEW super hero, one so terrifying that villians will shit themselves in an orgy of anticipated ass beatings:
I will be reborn, as SPIDER-MAN!!!
MUahahahahahaha, no one could have predicted such a sinister hero!! and no one will be able to penetrate, my impenetrable fortress of spiders high in the canopied spider jungles of central new york. I am working on getting some kevlar-threaded memory-cloth spider legs fused to my ribcage and giant pointy fangs rammed into the gaping sockets that used to contain entire ROWS of pitiful man-teeth. My eyes will probably still be of use, in the spider world of tomorrow where the internet is king, to look up and see, the new computer-god-concocted fake starry sky suspended above living, breathing, worldwide, living-death, frankenstein slavery to complete the new supreme computer-god's frankenstein controls for around-the-corner projection of deadly-touch tarantula spiders!! Venomous armpit glands spray superfluous magellan gases to terrify stricken villagers and steal their cattle. hahahahaha!!
Since I am not a billionaire, I will have to resort to car theft and petty robbery until I drum up enough cash for the spider-mobile, but theN!!!!! oh then the villains will surely pay dearly for their trespasses across the golden, unblemished countenance of justice!! And I will lay multitudinous batches of my larvae into their esophaguses (esophagi?) and watch as billions of victorious spider children burst forth from their swollen and distended abdomens, spilling liberty for all!!!! calling my babies to me with the spider-whistle, we will join, and from our powers combined, we will sculpt a new utopia and rain down spidery tidbits for the next millennia to bear witness to man's final gastronomic destination, for surely, eight legs are better than one (thats the kind of catchy phrase you're gonna start seeing A SHITLOAD more of). and we will scorch the heavens and blacken the skies because the evil empire of machines will be solar powered, but fear not!! for the interminable, inestimable titanium sinewy web from Spider-Man's ass glands will weave a swarthy path of mechanized doom across the land!!! and the footprints of a new, furry creature the size of a tennis ball will be left in the ashes of what used to be the nuts and bolts of the robot messiah, and that creature shall forever be locked behind bars as punishment for the rising of his descendants to be the next generation of monkey criminals!! for justice. then Spider-Man will renegade to the top of the highest mountain and repel down long lengths of the hive queen's antennae to reach the very pit of green acid-mucuous from which will arise a new order of our screechy arachnid forefathers!!!
yes my friends, it will be a victory for the ages
and if that doesn't work out, I'm going to start a gay hacky-sack club. you wouldn't believe it but several interest groups are making a stand against gays in the hack circle. just check out:
www.JustSayNoToGaySack.com
www.WhatWouldJesusHack.com
www.ThisSackAintQueer.com
www.AdamAndEveNotGayHackySack.com
www.TraditionalFamiliesAgainstGaySackInTheClassroom.com
www.SaveMarriageFromTheEvilGayHackySackEmpire.com
www.ComeOverHereAndShakeARealMansSack.com
www.texas.gov
fortunately, I will also be able to receive a fair amount of support from already established gay hacky-sack clubs, nationwide!
check out:
www.MillionManHack.com
www.FightTheBushySackAgenda.com
www.SteamingGaySack.com
www.TwistThoseDirtySacks.com (free anonymous testing and shots)
www.KeepYourLawsOffMySack.com
www.NiceSackLetsGoBackToOneOfMyRentalPropertiesForAQuickHack.com
www.TightHackySluts.com (yum)
I'm heading out to the WC this week, gonna be fun, need a job, got places to go and people to see, but don't worry, you'll still me able to reach me if you so desire, and my penis will probably still reach too, recent reports from Nasa indicate that it has made contact with uranus (sorry, I got lazy towards the end of this post), I don't even pay attention anymore, but the vacuum feels great. so in any case I'm sure it will reach, no teeth though! (ahem, doug) ok, I'm really done.
posted by over the shoulder at 6:03 PM
5 Comments:
im going to have to say i believe it is esophagi, because i know for a fact i have heard an egyptologist say the word "sarcophagi" and with sarcophagus and esophagus being so similar, im going to have to assume that they share pluralization rules.
you'll be the first to be splattered with spider-man's greasy ass snot and fed slab by unrecognizeable and hideously mangled stringy slab to the unyielding legions of the arachnid commando battlion unit formations from beyond the outer rim of robo-chicago's mechaturbo abomination chambers. they use flies for money.
and spider-man will laugh!! with a german accent, on into ze night! ahahhaaa
Court,
That list you came up with of pro- and anti-gay hacky sack websites is exactly the reason I like you. I was reading them at work and I couldn't contain my laughter and I think I may get fired... but wow. good stuff!
haha, muchos gracias, the court sampler pack has something for everyone.
Court,
I am not going to lie to you. I wasn't able to read your entire post. My eyes went blurry around the parts that were about frankenstein bagel-antenna and whatnot. Also, your websites didn't actually have anything to do with hacky-sak. Most of them were just pictures of men having sex with each other's asses. What the hell? I wanted more information about the powerful and insideous anti-gay hacky-sak lobby...
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